Early in my career, I thought my job was to always have the next smart question ready.

I’d be sitting in a coaching session nodding along, pretending to listen.

But really, I was in my own head trying to figure out how to respond in a way that made me sound like I knew what I was doing.

Because that’s what good coaches do, right?

They sound insightful. They have frameworks. They’re one step ahead.

Except… that’s not coaching. That’s performing.

What I’ve learned (and what I still have to remind myself sometimes) is that being “smart” in the moment can actually pull you out of the moment.

And when that happens, you can lose the impact of your coaching.

Coaching is a Presence Game

Clients don’t need you to be impressive.

They need you need to be present.

When you’re busy crafting the perfect follow-up question in your head, you’re missing the actual information your client is giving you:

The pauses

The shift in tone

The stuff they aren’t saying.

Sometimes a client will say, “Yeah, I’m good with that,” but their body folds in on itself and their voice drops two octaves.

If you’re already thinking ahead to your next clever response, you’ll miss it. And you’ll miss the opportunity to say:

“You say you’re good with that, but I’m picking up something different. Can we dig into that a bit?”

That’s the kind of moment that changes the entire session. But you have to be there to catch it.

We Fall Into This All the Time

You’re trying to make sure you don’t screw it up.

You want your client to feel like they’re getting their money’s worth.

You don’t want awkward silence.

So you mentally prep your next line while they’re talking.

But it’s worth unlearning, because the moment you stop trying to be good at coaching and just start coaching, everything gets easier.

It’s also when clients start to trust you more, because they can feel that you’re not “managing” the conversation and that you’re actually in it with them.

Silence Is Not a Crisis

Another thing - silence isn’t the enemy.

You don’t have to fill every second. In fact, the silence is usually where the insight drops.

If your client goes quiet, let it hang.

If you need a second to think, take it.

This is coaching, not broadcast news!  

You’re allowed to pause. You’re allowed to breathe.

You just need to ask the next right question, not the perfect one.

It can be something simple like:

• “Say more about that.”

• “What do you think is going on there?”

• “Where do you feel stuck?”

That’s it. That’s the work.

Still a Work in Progress

It took me longer than I’d like to admit to figure this out, and honestly, I still catch myself slipping into “try-hard” mode now and then.

But when I don’t, I pause, listen, and stop trying to lead with the “right” response.

The session shifts every time.

That’s the kind of coach people remember.

And it’s the kind of coaching this profession needs more of.

Heather Maietta
Coach to Career Coaches | FCD Instructor | Doggedly committed to raising the bar in this profession

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