Most coaches think emotional intelligence is a “nice to have.”
It’s not.
It’s the whole job.

Coaching isn’t about delivering some perfect question or handing your client a shiny PDF.
It’s about tuning in.
Catching what’s not being said.
Paying attention to what the client’s face is doing when their words sound rehearsed.

In this week’s newsletter, I’m breaking down:

• The real reason emotional intelligence makes or breaks a coaching session

• The subtle ways low EQ shows up (even in experienced coaches)

• How to apply emotional intelligence to improve the quality of your coaching

When I Started Coaching, I Was All About “Being Smart”

I used to think my job as a career coach was to be the smartest person in the room.
That meant I’d flood my clients with tools and templates.
I thought giving them more was how I’d prove I was worth it.

It turns out that just overwhelmed people.
They’d leave confused and with zero clarity.

I wasn’t really listening.
Not to their tone, their energy, or what their body language was screaming at me.
I was so focused on what to say next, I missed what really mattered:

How they were saying it.

Low EQ Coaching Looks Like This:

• You’re already planning your next brilliant question before the client finishes talking

• You keep giving “helpful” tools because you don’t know what else to do

• You miss that their face said no while their mouth said yes

• You rush to relate, or worse, you drop in your own story without asking

When you coach like that, you’re dragging the client toward what you think they need.
It starves them of the ability to figure it out for themselves.

That’s not coaching. That’s control.

So What Does It Look Like to Coach with EQ?

✅ You listen like you’ve got nowhere else to be
✅ You pause... and let the silence do some of the work
✅ You notice misalignment (“You’re saying X, but I’m picking up something else. Can we explore that?”)
✅ You get curious instead of rushing to fix
✅ You ask one question at a time, and then shut up

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is:
“Tell me more.”

Let’s Talk About Triggers

Every coach has them.

Clients will bring up situations that hit close to home, like a toxic job, a layoff, some career setback you’ve lived through.

Your job?
Don’t make it about you.

You’re not there to validate their feelings just because they mirror yours.
You’re there to help them make sense of their experience.

That means managing your own stuff.

Not projecting.
Not over-identifying.

Just holding space and asking better questions.

Last Thing

If you don’t have strong emotional intelligence, your coaching might still feel “fine.”

But your clients?
They’ll walk away the same way they came in, only with more worksheets.

TL;DR?
Slow down.
Listen.
Ask better questions.
Let silence do the heavy lifting.

You’ll be amazed at what people tell you if you’re really paying attention.

Best,

Heather

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